Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
