I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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