So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
40s are totally the cure
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
