I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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