There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize