So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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