i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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