I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
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Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
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she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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