no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
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I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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