is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
