forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Someone signed my nipple.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
