i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
