Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
