I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
