so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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