your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize