I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize