When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
