You made me cry and you don't even care
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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