she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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