someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So many bounce houses so little time
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
