When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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