i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
