I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
there's paper in my vomit.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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