The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
