my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize