Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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