I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
