I wish I could punch you in the face.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
