the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I wish there were birth control emojis
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
