Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
