Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
