you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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