Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
