his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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