So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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