He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
