I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
