my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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