Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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