in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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