No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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