and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
