what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
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I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
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Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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