so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Sober January is a disaster.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
