After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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