I am puke
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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