It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
