And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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