I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
a search helicopter?!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
