i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
