Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
