I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Your penis caused this!
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