we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
