Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
