now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
