My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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