Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
