..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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