and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
