He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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