why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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