It's like God shit irony all over that family
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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