Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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